Tragically, Ochocino was also unable to keep Scott Glenn from stealing that $210,000.

Brian—

Christ, will the Astros just let the Bad News Bears play already?!

He got in even more hot water when he pointed at Vlad Guerrero and cautioned reporters to "beware the beast-man."

Russ Tyler is not impressed.

Wilbon then purified himself in the grease found in a dumpster behind KFC.

Bet you $100 that McDowell still refers to AIDS as "the GRID."

That's nothing. In order to prove his identity on Twitter, R. Kelly left a urine sample the likes of which has never been seen before.

Normally, the Grizzlies would've purposefully tanked this game but Zach Randolph left his retainer in an Oklahoma City area Denny's, and his step-dad will kick his ass if he doesn't go back and get it.

He allegedly pulled a chunk of her hair out and grabbed her cell phone away from her while shouting at her.

Let me just say this: Those jackals from the Franklin Mint will do ANYTHING to collect a debt.

Yes, I did manage to cook it. However, I do not fault you at all for envisioning me tearing a hole in the box and stuffing the dry, uncooked pieces into my gaping maw while crouched in the kitchen. While gently weeping.

Trip report: Ate an entire box of Stove Top Stuffing by myself.

Give Steve Austin a break. He was just trying to raise enough money to build himself a proper wife. The Six Million Dollar Man can't be seen around town with a $50,000 Woman.