“Attention all Americans in Trumpland: Please stand up. Thank you. Now, look at the person to your immediate left. Good. Now look at the person to your immediate right. Thank you, now please be seated...... One of those two people you’ve just laid eyes on is probably a serial killer. Always carry a gun, be ready…

There are always blowouts and snooze-fests during the playoffs, sure, but there’s always at least a few games that live up to the billing, too. For example, it was good game throughout, but I walked away from the Packer-Cowboy playoff game too early last year thinking it was over, and that Dallas would be moving on. …

Your answer is a just mouse click away.

Tell that to jim Plunkett.

He’s beyond formidable for a man his age. Walton could have work as a stunt double in the fight scene between Gregory Peck and Laurence Olivier in The Boys From Brazil, he’s in such great shape. I wouldn’t be surprised if he could kick the ass of a third stationary target if he had to..

He wouldn’t have any problem with the damn thing if he’d used his head instead of the tape, and stapled the chain to his chest in the first place. The big wuss... 

“The perfect storm”. That’s the phrase he got lost in the corn maze searching for. But he referred to the league itself when he said it, and not the Colts- if I heard right, that is, and no way I’m listening to that again. If it is the league itself he referred to, I think he’s absolutely on target. Simply put, I…

I love the moment in the clip where the incredulous corner suddenly sees the safety is off on the horizon somewhere, instead of being where he was needed, only to realize in the next split second he’s just lost track of Brown’s whereabouts, too.

Harris might have second thoughts about that interview. He may as well have posted: An Itinerary For Stalking Me In Brooklyn.

She’s good, she’s very good.

Walton makes a lot more sense if a person possesses the imagination to hear the Grateful Dead playing in the background as he speaks.

Isn’t that what Hitler also said about ordering the 6th Army to stand and fight at Stalingrad?

“She knows what she wants.”

Twenty years ago Pat Summerall would have dropped his voice an octave, and spoke in his patented “you hate to see that happen” voice until the broadcast broke for commercial. When the game resumed, he would have then announced Cooper’s return as being “doubtful”- which fans invariably would have interpreted as “he’s…

It’s only an outrage if you don’t appreciate defensive prowess.

Schiano can always find work in Alabama. Why, there’s not an evangelical school in that blighted state that wouldn’t welcome him with open arms... Sun don’t shine above the ground in ‘Bama, bless its ever loving malignant heart. “Judge [Moore] not, that ye be not judged [perverts]”.

At very least, his ears should have been examined. It’s literally the first rule of the NFL concussion protocol manual: “First check the players ears to ascertain if blood pools are forming””.

I know one way for Ovechkin to prove his good intentions towards all concerned: prevail on Putin to give Robert Kraft his stolen ring back.

Bubba Smith of the Baltimore Colts had his day and career ruined when a sideline ref froze and failed to drop the 10 yard down marker as the play approached him, and as he had been trained to do. He held on to it instead, with one end planted in the turf. When Smith ran into its other end, his knee was impaled on it.

Sometimes “access” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Barry Bonds once provoked a “professional in the field” into a sputtering rage on a Bay Area radio station. It was hilarious. There was no doubt whatsoever he’d been personally insulted by Bonds, and in that moment didn’t give a rat’s ass about “access” to…