A can of wood stain spilled, and its odor lingered for months.

And lest talk of the suicide of a president sound like a Hollywood script, my grandmother- among a great many others of her generation- went to her grave convinced Mrs. Harding poisoned her husband to spare him from the Teapot Dome scandal; and Richard Nixon insisted on an open car motorcade through the streets of…

Given the stakes facing our country, I would not dissuade him. I would not yell “jump”. But neither would I yell, “don’t do it”.

When I was a child, every other kid in my northern California neighborhood had made the trip down south to Disneyland, and always raved about it, of course. When I whined about going, I was always told to forget about by my parents. I always knew in my bones I’d never see the promised land, I think, i.e., I always…

Forget the beer. That is hands-down the finest example of a can and its logo all but screaming at a consumer,“this beer is cheap because it’s godawful”.

Jay Cutler plays football as if he knows it’s a stupid way to make a living, and moreover he’s not about to pretend he doesn’t feel every hit. Why should he? To placate some couch potato’s perverted idea of a competitive spirit on a field of glory, or in denial of his own common sense? Cutler plays as if he’s…

The punter was like an outfielder who makes a split second decision to catch a sinking line drive in front in him, begins to break towards it, but changes his mind and pulls up, and thus allows the ball to play him instead. That punter’s moment came when he decided to trust in his speed and take off downfield,…

I can’t recall if Al Davis was ever on record as explicitly stating that a conspiracy against the Raiders by the office of commissioner actually existed. But no doubt he believed it true. Raider fans sure believed it, and I got sold it existed when the ref pulled the tuck rule out of his ass that snowy night in New…

If Snyder is a clown, he’s a walking, talking Chuckie the slasher type clown. Forget the oceans of bleeding brains he’s yachting all the way to the bank on.  His blatant disregard for the well being of his his employees extends to violating both common sense and decency. Let it serve to remind people that it’s guys…

American Lament:

What makes that truly beautiful is that Jones gave orders that no cameras be trained on him when the Cowboys lose (or so I seem to recall reading); that he, and he alone, will decide that; and that the camera people will know if it’s OK if-and-when he showboats on the sideline as the clock ticks down, but never before…

Ever notice how the Thanksgiving turkey always tastes a little better when the Cowboys get their ass kicked that day? Especially this year..

That tontine sounds like something they all agreed to one night when they were 17 and forgot all about, if it happened at all.

And that little dog standing by that big dog that’s simmering with humiliation because it’s been forced to wear a turkey hat? Do you have any idea what little dog is thinking? Look into its eyes. It’s thinking: “Sure, go ahead and laugh, have fun. Why not? You won’t be around later, when he gets liquored up and…

Right off, good dog #1 betrays itself as a poseur. It’s obvious at a glance it’s never hunted a duck in its life.

Alabama no doubt can invoke a profoundly American and sinister vibe all its own. “You’re in ‘Bama now, boy”, for example, is an common expression of that vibe, one often enunciated to impress those traveling through the state with New York or California license plates.

Your son will be OK, of course. But one day people might react to his having been a redskin fan like I reacted to my uncle, who shocked me by saying he had an emotional a tie to the L.A. Dodgers. Other than wishing to see them suffering, I mean. I’m a lifelong Giants fan, and assumed he was too. Turned out the…

Assuming the “stay the fuck in the locker room” rumor is true, the gathering of NFL Solomon’s that will have rendered that decision did The Man himself proud all these millennia later. The fact their accrued wisdom came at the price of however many gazillion of their own dollars is ultimately awarded to Kaep was a…

I’m going to write-in one of my own: I’d give that award to the entire Cubs organization, for having presented Steve Bartman a World Series ring. I mean, think how that moment will one day play in the climactic scene of The Steve Bartman Story (starring Paulie Shorr). Lou Gehrig and Brian Piccolo, move over..

It depends on what appeals to his sense of humor, of course. But if he is the type to laugh at such things, you might want to gift wrap those tickets and leave them under his tree next month.