Welp. Small consolation it doesn’t read:

Geez, put the dude on trial, why dontcha.

To the odd troll who squeezed this from its mental-toothpaste tube:

Convince him that Proposition H is a threat to Georgia, but slide in as much Preparation H/hemorrhoid innuendo onto the teleprompters as possible. Hilarity ensues.

Assumptions are awful but I mean, yeah: ‘Julie Blanchard’? She’s basically last name: I only eat boiled carrots; first name: I always dot my ‘i’ with a lil’ heart!

I assume the Youths will be ‘tasting the rainbow’ this summer with 4-shot flights of Red Bull & Vodka, HMD, Blue Kamikazes and Purple Drank?

Whew, are you a sight for sore eyes. Welcome Back.

Aw, they’s fine. Them’s just getting ready to fight some Decepticons.

I believe I’m case# 7,544,806 of two sets of parents bidding on our gently-used 5MT Corolla S trade-in as soon as we pulled it onto the lot.

Trump supporters criticized authorities for charging McKinney, arguing that his shot protected rallygoers by scaring the car away

Yeah, this really deserves more focus, but not surprise:

Let us not ignore this story’s other burning question... an inquiry which stands evergreen since time immemorial:

Aw look, Blakey with the Bad Hair made word-salad:

Didn’t’cha’know? The Tommy Boy logo is just their artists’ contract in hieroglyphs:

From firsthand experience, racism in Lumberton, NC is about as schizophrenic as it gets: From snickering-behind-your-back/”Bless Your Heart” crap like this, to “Go get the cross, hoss”-level terrorism. I guess it still reflects that old dichotomy of Blacks & Whites working together in the lumber mills by daylight but…

Ever notice there’s always a “Rick” loitering at the intersection of Mediocre Blvd and Vengeful Street?

Cue shots of Sían with yellowing headlamps, an OSU plateholder, and half a rocker panel missing languishing on a patchy-ass Columbus, OH driveway.

This. However, I felt that what she said below may be the most honest thing she’s said to date as well as the most infuriating use of the word unfortunately. Note, I took the liberty of, ahem, translating every I/me:

Candace Owens is the Candyman of Candyland... and here’s her origin-story:

How is it that every day, there’s a new reason to like Chris Paul more? He was already a central Carolina legend — he can go wallet-free from Hickory to Burlington — and his HBCU support could not be more appreciated.