Peter Lorre’s Mad Love sourced so many of my favorite animated riffs, from Venture Bros.’ Baron Ünderbheit to every callback to Ray Gillette’s robotic hands in Archer — Krieger’s incessant “Jazz hands!!”, plus Cyril’s monologue in “Drastic Voyage Part 1":

I’m standing, and crying. Beautiful, Michael.

Rock Hill’s town motto is (swear to Rihanna): “No Room For Racism”. Now that absolutely belies the realities of daily life in upstate Souf’Cack, but maybe -- juuuust maybe -- Rock Hill is starting to live its best life.

Jeff Bezos in a cowboy hat :: an Arby’s-themed condom.

Sure, she’s a national treasure and self-avowed badass. I can’t help but feel that a 5 minute car-ride with her would induce me to return her to the drop point and surrender, if only for the peace and quiet of a prison cell.

In some situations, you just don’t call the cops. You call Animal Control. To come scrape up that body.

So, Stepin FetchFoxit? 

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is good Kinja.

No, no, no. Banned?! Unacceptable. Maybe not as unacceptable as Dukes of Hazzard villian-turned-Senator Lindsay Graham’s shit-eating grin in the lede photo (maybe a couple pumps of that Purell bottle will rinse it out), but unacceptable nonetheless.

Let’s hold off on the blame game and impart some actual lessons to these kids:

Welp, my hat is thrown fully and forcefully into Gottmik’s ring. Gotta agree, sandwiching denotes being between breads, not just within bread; so until that separation occurs, foods like tacos, hoagies, subs, and hot dogs should remain their own diverse and glorious entities.

No, you can’t go back to Constantinople. Been a long time gone, Constantinople.

You know how frustrated you get when the teeth of your coat’s zipper get misaligned, with some janky-ass tooth locking in too early and where it doesn’t belong? Yeah. That’s bad merging. Be a good zipper.

Any word on the driver’s eardrums? Because, thunderclaps at ground zero are loud AF.

Should’ve been doing 88mph. We could’ve tested some, uh, theories.

Star. I became almost numb to stumbling across cemeteries during wooded hikes in western VA & NC, but the local legends and family intrigues tied to them are haunting in all the best ways.

If you ever find yourself asking “WWWWD?”, take the answer and turn it 180°.

I. AM. HERE. FOR. ALLLLLLLLL OF IT.

<driver's side window slides down>

Hm, like four little quantum tunnels. Slap on some “ANT MAN” personal plates and geek TF out.