My husband once heated up a whole six-ounce bottle and then fell asleep so it sat out, unused, for several hours until it went bad.

I don't get why they didn't inform her that she needed to apply to use the lactation room... When I went on maternity leave, part of my FMLA paperwork asked if I would require space to express breastmilk when I returned. Also, they should have warned her before she left of the deadlines to complete missed work when…

Making the pumpkin peach ale thing even dumber: Just last week AB InBev bought a craft brewer in Seattle called Elysian, who made a pumpkin peach Amber ale called Gourdgia On My Mind.

Isn't it funny how there is such a difference? When my daughter was trying on dresses for the first time, there was a visible distinction in her whole demeanor when she was wearing a dress that she thought would be the "One" and when she was wearing a dress that was outside her vision but so much more suited to her…

I went wedding dress shopping with my pal and her other bridesmaids recently and one of the girls was a total asshole while we were shopping. She had just gotten married so OF COURSE SHE IS A FUCKING EXPERT ON ALL THINGS BRIDAL despite the fact that the maid of honor and another woman in the party are also married and…

I never threatened in any way, but I was the mom that wanted her to try on 2 dresses I liked. She liked them fine and looked cute in them, but didn't light up like she did with THE dress.

Yeah, there's a ton of starving people who'd be stoked if we didn't use up all the land and water and food they could be eating to raise the cows that we like to eat. That's actually how that works. Oh yeah, and those chewy fajitas that they threw away, I bet those starving people loved that! I wish I could sterilize…

I had one of these shitheads once. He explained, slowly and carefully, "his system" to me, like I was a child. I unhustled my way to a $0 tip and a nasty note. I was never prouder.

Yeah. You know what my kid does when he doesn't like dinner? Eats it. The world would be a better place if this was true for all kids; because those entitled little asses grow up to be entitled adult asses, and we all suffer.

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!

this is the story of my life!!! It's even in my username! I have never felt so called out in my entire life. What a lightning bolt. Thank you.

My friend made the mistake of assuming I would be in her wedding party. She never asked. So one day when she was discussing her plans and how I would be wearing XYZ etc, I said wait. Rewind. I am not going to be in your wedding. I made her cry. I really hated being in my brother's wedding and had no intention of doing…

My sister in law called me up before my wedding to her brother and asked me to explain what right we thought we had to get married in a church. Told her I wasn't going to have that talk then kicked her out of the wedding party. Good decision.

I wouldn't say that I "fired" a bridesmaid, more like gave her the opportunity to bow-out gracefully because it seemed like she had a lot going on in her life. She would say she was going to attend a shower or dress fitting and then just not show up. It came down to the wire when it was time to order dresses. I was…

Healthy cooked food. It is all well and good to promote cheaper, and healthier, homemade food. I can eat amazingly cheap buying dried grains, beans and veg.... but I have gas running to my stove and electricity to my fridge in my functioning kitchen and a short enough commute that I can get home after my only job in…

The sticks were transfigured into bread, for the mouth part of your face.

A bird landed on the middle finger[...]

As someone named "Basil", it seems that every new namesake I discover is more badass than the last.