gruntfuttock
Martini of Male Tears for Breakfast
gruntfuttock

One ate all my goats. The queen replaced them but it was still a lot of dead goats and burnt grass to clean.

it’s the 2016 version of the here there be dragons warning on the edge of a map.

This^. The additional load of electric equipment powered off the engine’s (police upgraded) alternator, at idle, does not tax the (police upgraded) cooling system.

This one pegs the bullshit meter to the max. I used to live in Texas and had an Impala. Sitting in traffic in 105 degree heat with dew points near 90 degrees had zero effect on how hot the engine ran. Police cars have upgraded cooling systems to help them deal with being used harder than civilian cars. They’re

I was unclear, I don’t need the hour long pounding. On occasion would be nice, but it becomes a problem when it is the requirement for my partner because their jacking off with a death grip has resulted in their penis having the sensitivity of a calloused heel.  

as in, they are over 30, have good girth and they can actually get hard and come from normal, non chafing hour long pounding. Have you seen the series Easy on Netflix? Where the lead female character asks, “who wants to fuck a semi hard dick?” that is me...

Considering that I literally, just ended a conversation with my best male friend where I lamented the difficulty in finding someone that I loved AND had a monster penis that I would be happy fucking for the rest of my days, this show speaks to me...

I really got into it with a family friend over this. He kept on harping on about how “Hillary should be in jail” and “how could anyone vote for such a liar?” I was giving him article after article of fact-checks and reports showing how Trump lies more flagrantly and frequently than Clinton- then upped the ante saying

Congratulations! Solid decision and I support you in it. Here, have this gif of a kitten in a box:

just found out am 6 weeks pregnant, no one knows but hubby and myself, for the sake of my health and the nuggets’, i’ll be watching storks at my local theatre then non stop puppy videos until i pass out and wake up tomorrow :)

we’ll have to revise “bag of dicks” to “old, hoarded, bag of dicks.”

I once found a recipe for a face mask with tea tree oil on pinterest. It required a lot of tea tree oil, though you shouldn’t put high concentrations of it on your skin (it even says so on the bottle). I made that mask and put it in the fridge for later. When I got it out, the plastic spoon I had used to stir it had

I LOVE that this is something that people are starting to recognize-that even little kids should get to decide who touches them and when and that adults should respect that.

This entire post has my eyes as wide as saucers rn.

He can put his filthy peasant hands on me!

Kate is in heels and a dress, carting around a tiny human. How does she BEND that gracefully? Do your knees and core muscles become magic when you’re Royalty?

grabbing an unfamiliar dog

Former veterinary nurse here. I obviously know about dogs overheating in cars, but I question this. You can’t just smash the window, you also have to get the dog out of there and cooled down. I’ve seen really experienced animal nurses be mauled to hell when trying to help a distressed animal. Breaking the window in a

*sings to rescued pup*