His prediction will come true; to his dismay; when universal health care provides free; effective birth-control to every human past puberty.

I have an agreement with my dog wherein he’ll have me cloned when I die.

Not just genetics. My dog was who he was because of what happened to him before I RESCUED HIM.

Listen, people, you can have a bolt-action rifle, a shotgun, or a revolver. If you can’t successfully hunt or target shoot with those, you are a shitty shot who should not have a weapon. If you cannot “defend yourself” with those, you are a shitty shot who should not have a weapon and also has likely been killed by…

Considering the number of people who called in to WMMR to talk about their family’s poop stick, poop knife, or some other tool used to break up big or solid turds before flushing, I’d say it’s a good idea.

Here. Cleanse yourself.

Man, Carol Channing looks really good for 97!

Ticket Seller: You have to get down from there.

I would love for this to ultimately be revealed as canon. Preferably as the final shot of the series.

I’m still convinced Vincent is actually a really bizarre adult and all the evidence he’s two or three kids stacked on top of each other is a complete coincidence

Holy shit, is that Juliet from Psych and Dave from Happy Endings? Damn, looks like I’m in, after all.

My opinion: The movie is decent, but the set design and attention to detail are some of the best of the 90s, full stop.

Does this scare the shit out of anybody else? Is reality that fragile? Everything is going fine and then one day BAM you’re in Sacramento?

When you woke up this morning, did you think of yourself as someone who would call the teenaged survivor of a mass shooting a liar on the internet, or are you surprised to learn that about yourself?

Thoughts and prayers were reported near the scene at 3:20 PM today.

Bonus points for using the word “concocted.” That’s one of my favorite words, right up there with “chicanery,” “shenanigans,” and “defenestrate.”

Such as

God bless him. The only thing better than a smoking hot guy is a smoking hot guy who is hilarious. It’s the Ryan Reynolds Rule.

Has he been that lucrative? Are people buying boxsets of Glee and Popular? Did anyone besides me actually watch the second season of Scream Queens?