Yeah, chips and salsa sounds like complete bullshit.

...Dental Plan!

Katy Perry does. Didn't you read the article?

Katy Perry!! I knew it was her. Even when it was Taylor Swift, I knew it was her.

I call beer a liquid sandwich.

Pizza with veggies is salad

There’s not enough therapy in the world to overcome such a trauma. You probably need the full electrobotomy.

I call soup a liquid sandwich.

Well there goes the whole kill it with fire idea.

I literally cannot see a picture of JoJo without imagining it came straight out of the capital city from Hunger Games.

This is indeed a harrowing tale and recounted in a way that is so relatable to all of us. I guess that’s what makes us all such big fans.

I was legit worried about Drew when I heard what happened.  I had too hoped that he would write in the way that Drew does about this.   

Get well Drew.

Can’t believe they asked you to raise two fingers and you didn’t go with Ol’ Faithful

Can’t tell you how many text messages I exchanged with friends seriously worrying about the health of a person I have never met and will likely never meet.

Oh my fucking god, Drew! I’m so sorry that you went through that and I’m so fucking happy you’re alive! To share I went through something milder than that last year. I had 3-4 episodes where I was shaking badly. One time when I was going to work and it was so bad I couldn’t put the lid on my coffee; a stranger had to…

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

I also believed, for some reason, that a celebrity chef (no idea who) was killed at the same bar the night I bashed my skull in. And that I was a person of interest in that chef’s death. Please know that no famous chef died that night