So I assume the DA’s office is currently putting in overtime to dredge up some “justification” by finding Hopkins has unpaid parking tickets or something. 

I have fond memories of Biz, Post, and your username. 

I’m curious how they’ll handle Tattoo and will watch at least until I get that answer. Herve will always be the first and the best though. 

The highly detailed, unsettlingly realistic penis also follows you around the room. Good line work though. 

It’s like filming a Hammer style horror flick and hoping for a reaction while actually living in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. The things you thought were scary and evil and corrupt…they’ve shifted a bit.

I like to think that the parents looked stonily at the boyfriend within moments of “meeting” him and one of them said “we know you took our strap on harness and we would appreciate its return, Bicockslave69**XxXxXx420. If that’s even your real name.”

For what it’s worth son*, all that sex your mother and I had with randos was absolutely worth your dry spell. The painting is nice though.

Right? It really looks impossible without the wheels somehow rotating to run perpendicular to the car. I’m impressed. 

If I had to come up with a name for a fictional villain in a Murder She Wrote episode in which Ms. Fletcher investigates the death of a crossword puzzle guru, I’d have totally chosen Everdeen Mason.

Willie Nelson as the bizarro Ted Nugent is perfect. 

Scott Adams acting like he’s a hypnotist is one of those things I’d never have predicted, yet seems obvious in hindsight. 

I’m pretty sure William G is a flawed AI program. He was almost using English there but not quite getting it right. He offers the perfect example of what dumb people who think they’re smart sound like. 

Is Joaquin Phoenix gearing up for a method approach to a Taika Waititi biopic in that picture?

The commercial includes the line “you even had them in the shower,” which now provides circumstantial evidence that Ashton was falsely accusing his wife. How could she have had them in the shower if she doesn’t shower, Mr. Kutcher?! The defense rests. 

See, I just assumed that every interview Dax Shepard conducts is done in an oversized shower while the participants groom one another. 

Showering washes away thetans. Or adds thetans. I can’t remember if they’re good or bad. I don’t think these two are scientologists but this reeks of scientology-like nonsense. And it reeks of unwashed pretty people.

I bet he could write perfect dialogue for Zuckerberg. 

The water is REALLY clear and just the perfect temperature.

TIL that I can keep up with Thor in at least one physical challenge. But extra crispy, please. 

I like to engage in conversations using my patented “phrase shit as obtusely as possible to leave people guessing” style. Also, I like using too many commas.