They check for mask compliance and excessive thetans.

Fuck cancer. Diamond seems awful, but I can’t even pick cancer over Limbaugh and that man is pure evil. So to reiterate: fuck cancer.

What if we allow George Lucas to do the editing? A CGI Jaba the Hutt with a bad toupee and ill-fitting suit in that scene could be a nice middle ground.

There was a moral revulsion there that elevated the article to art. 

I’ve no idea where it comes from, but it does sound Russian. And given the topic and current events, that would be more apropos than I intended. 

He was too dumb to know what he was unleashing.  When you dance with the bear, you don’t stop until the bear wants to stop.

My pick for best AVC article of all time. 

You can build a thousand bridges in your lifetime and die by tasing your balls once, and the people will remember you not as a guy who built bridges, but as the guy who tased his own balls.

Someone is destined to be forever remembered as history’s biggest cocktease.

“Every Capitol Police Officer puts the security of others before their own safety”

I choose to believe the alternative facts in this one matter. I will not relinquish my certainty that this “peace-loving” man who fetishized his gun collection accidentally pulled that trigger, shot those darts into his balls, and zapped himself into a cardiac arrest. It is too pure and beautiful an image to surrender.

I’m a big Fetterman fan. His politics are righteous and he’s a good guy. But this is the second time the republicans have bullied him. One previously literally snatched a gavel from his hands. Dude is massive and looks like a pro wrestler. The only criticism I have of him is that he does not crack some fucking skulls…

No way could 45 muster up enough testosterone to grow that beard though. 

Time to reset the “Days Since Invasion” sign back to zero. 

“Yes” would just be so easy to misinterpret though!

He wrote an apology note and hid it inside one of those finger trap puzzles. He’s currently filming her trying to retrieve it as part of his upcoming tv show that he swears will be hilarious.

I can’t see Rip Torn or John Amos as anyone other than their Beastmaster characters. Even Mr. McDowell in Coming to America doesn’t allow me to picture Amos as anyone other than Seth. 

I like a good Cage freak out, but it’s nice to see he can still be dignified. And the beard looks good on him.