She’d have fit right in, though she’d be talking about her dolls and pretending they were her kids.

“Hubby” makes me think of The Onion’s Jean Teasdale. Which kind of fits, I guess, given “Hubby” was pretty awful in her columns.

Screams give hakarl its flavor. 

That face-merkin should add at least a decade to any sentence he gets.

That sounds like the premise for a pretty awesome horror movie about an internet edgelord type who’s doing his thing just to stay alive.

And women apparently can’t have hirsutism? 

Wait...are you saying Tucker is a high level political assassin?! Because even that doesn’t make him seem the slightest bit impressive. 

Do you want a Pet Semetary? Because that’s how you get a Pet Semetary! Ayuh. 

Spock is the only person who can get away with that ‘do.

I don’t know...I heard it used WIS as a dumpstat so it could load up on CHA. This could be a real problem. 

Is there a reason to not put sunblock on anywhere other than the face? Do people not burn elsewhere? Once we get past April, I’m slathering a layer on anywhere that isn’t covered by clothing, but is the face the only part I should be worried about? Have I been blocking UV rays wrong all these years!?

He looks like someone put Lee Evans in a microwave.

Aw...now I need to add a dollar to my “laughed at something awful” jar!

Minus the humanity. 

Don’t forget environmental  protections and a woman’s right to decide what happens in her own body!

Even though I’m old enough to easily distinguish these similar actors, the phrase “the same woman in different fonts” is fucking brilliant.

I really enjoyed the first season in spite of some problems with pacing and such. Also, “Circular Jack” is both a much better nickname for a gang lieutenant than “Fat Jack” and a classier term for an assemblage of gentlemanly activity than “circle jerk.”

And evidently met both of them. 

I worked as a medic/firefighter for a while after college. That field is well overdue for a reckoning. These ones definitely need fired and charged, but they’re far from the only ones.