“I am sure Kanye would represent black Trump supporters better than Trump does. Not so sure about anyone else”

I want Lifetime to do a gender-flipped, played-serious reboot of So I Married an Axe-Murderer. It’s the best Michael Myers movie that doesn’t involve a white Shatner mask so it doesn’t need a remake, but the title alone necessitates that this happens.

Weekend at Meredith Baxter-Bernie’s was a beautiful sign off. 

I sincerely hope that this is Baker’s attempt to live out his own Stanley dreams. He’s run the numbers and figured out 300k will let him sit on a beach and do nothing but crosswords for the balance of his days, and this is how he’ll make it happen. Sure, some guy with a camera will occasionally wander by and shoot…

Karen B. is fucking around, right? That “retractment and apology” and “compiling a record...” she has to know what she’s doing? She must’ve left out “I want to speak to your supervisor” because it was just too obvious. 

That’s a specialized, very advanced technique. Much more deadly. It makes the bullets curve, like that one Angelina Jolie movie. 

Bill accidentally burns down half of Arlen While playing with a Molotov cocktail in an attempt to impress a woman protesting the Arlen PD. 

Disbar then, disbar their creepy ass lawyer. 

Yeah...there’s SOME limits to politely ignoring the neighbors!

“y’all got Stonehenge and don’t even know what it’s for!”

A reliable source assures us that vanilla is the finest of the flavors.

This is the best advice you’ve ever written. I never realized I had to befriend the lady wiener goblin! Also I want you to write up a seven book series and replace Rowling as the dominant force in YA literature, as long as you’re not secretly harboring hateful prejudices. 

I’m confident his deal includes a talking head spot with Fox. 

I think that’s the one thing I’ve read on Lifehacker that was actually useful. Still not a “hack” though!

It’s hard to wrap my head around how much of the comedy I love is either directly or indirectly from him and/or Brooks. They’re to the comedy world what Nick Fury is to the MCU...just there in the background, linking everything together. 

That “clacking the magazines together” thing sounds lifted straight from some knockoff Deathwish. I’m surprised he didn’t say they had Coke bottles on their fingers and kept asking him to come out and play. 

So the post that caused council members to resign and ultimately he’s resigning over is criticizing the politics of a football coach. The post everyone there was completely fine with is the one from last year about killing folks. I feel like I read this one backwards somehow.