Meghan McCain all the way, baby.

I like large mugs because I have a tendency to drink quickly and a regular sized mug seems to last all of 20 seconds.

Right? I’m a straight male and even I see it.

I voted for Vapes because they’re fucking everywhere and there’s no avoiding them. The only time I ever know that Soulcycle is a thing is when I come to Jezebel.

Okay...that’s just fucking bullshit. Why is this even a thing? Poor dog.

At this point, I’d rather AI did take over the world as opposed to the wild band of misfits currently making decisions.

We are here to ruin ourselves and, and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and, and die! I mean that the storybooks are bullshit. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and, and get in my bed!

Whenever someone mentions this film I am absolutely compelled to immediately respond with,

I really don’t understand how Ivanya’s Nazi Dog won out over Joe Biden. That makes no sense to me.

Today’s was very simple. No difficult decisions here! Kanye, Kardashians, McCain, Biden, Cable...easy peasy!

If I could afford to do something like this, I absolutely would.

I always ask my wife to make brownies. They’re rich and dark and delicious and only the true of heart likes them. Which means more for me.

It’s totally the penis thing.

That was an impossible choice for me. 

Yeah, I had a tough time too.

That certainly sounds seriously unfun.

I guess that’s the key difference. I only know one person who is on keto and he lives on the other side of the country from me so I don’t hear much about it.

It’s true that dogs often rehabilitate much more successfully than humans. I just know that the only time I’ve ever had trouble with dogs, they belonged to bad humans. It’s not their fault but it’s hard to like them.

I’m going to do that one of these days myself. Maybe I’ll wait until 2020.

I have to do that thing with the toilet too. This weekend probably won’t be that weekend.