Last time I checked "physician assisted suicide" still has the word "suicide" in it.

You do research on cancer and spell like THAT? We're all doomed.

The problem with this season of AHS is a depressing lack of Zachary Quinto and his glorious eyebrows. He is my soulmate, I'm convinced, even though my love is unrequited and can never be requited because of my tragic case of not-being-a-dude.

I didn't know Facebook posts could BE this long. Nothing says "I'm the most important person in the universe, bow down to my opinions" like a 500 word Facebook post.

Holy crap. Why do I feel like Emily's mom made this for her to wear as a punishment for something...

I saw "suicide attempt" and thought lacerations, maybe a gunshot wound, but then:

WhenI was 13 my dad got me my first mp3 player: a 256MB flash memory stick with a shitty two color screen that took actual AA batteries. I'm pretty sure it was top-of-the-line then, in the pre-iPod days.

When I was a kid, my parents lived on the outer edge of a reasonably nice neighborhood (nice for my redneck town's standards. My parents are a secretary and used car salesman, so we didn't live in a mansion.) Outside our neighborhood, most of the housing in our town consists of cheap apartment buildings or tiny…

LE SINGE EST SUR LA BRANCHE!

Wow this comment section quickly turned into a who's the coolest Cool Girl contest, didn't it?

Only because mornings are the worst.

I never learned to braid my hair because my hyper-strict ex-stepmom (thanks for wising up, dad) used to make me sit still at night while she braided a billion braids into my hair so I would have super poofy curly poodle hair in the morning. It was supposed to look "lady-like" and somehow better than my stick-straight…

#notalldongs

Well CLEARLY your mom is doing Wicca wrong if you guys didn't bust out a little meth at your Samhain shindig. Jeez, come on, learn how to Wicca.

But what about yoga pants?? Surely these most comfy of pants get a pass. Yoga pants would never oppress me, right? RIGHT?!?

Oh man, I did the whole "hold your breath to hide from aliens" thing too. When I was ~7 my grandma was watching me and she fell asleep while watching TV, so she didn't realize one of those "Unsolved Mysteries : Alien Abductions" shows had come on after her TV movie. I watched it and became traumatized for YEARS. Two…

Schrodinger's wall clock?

Holy shitballs, you win. Pack it up, everybody, you can't top this.

Oh my GOD, buckle up, because we're taking a ride on the rage train. This just unleashed a movie-style flashback montage in my head of the approx 8 million times my dad has told me I "just don't get it" in regard to politics. That exact phrase every time. I just don't get it, but one day I night smarten up.

This became an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer halfway through.