Man, I want in on this! I wanna pay some cool black people to be friends with me. Or white people, Asian people, Latino people...oh god I'm so lonely...

Hmm, it SEEMS like a good likeness in this photo, but I think I'll need to examine it up close, just to be sure. Probably in my bedroom, where the lighting is the best. You know, for science.

I like this quote because it validates my chronic slackertude.

I bet all the douchecanoes complaining about her would change their tune real quick when she's pulling them out of a burning building.

So you grew up in a Mexican/Native/Chinese/Iraqi household? Would it be racist of me to assume you probably had the BEST food based on that combo?

What server gives "I'm tired from partying last night" as an excuse?? At least lie and say you were up working late or something, sheesh.

I'm plain ol' white Midwestern, but my family does the whole "I got the check" "No, I'll get it, I insist!" thing too. As a cheap youngish person, it's pretty great because I know if I offer to pay and make a show of it, my grandma or uncle or someone will swoop in with a "NO I INSIST!!" and I'm off the hook. I get to…

I had to take an Animal Rights Law class in college (shut up, I needed a law credit and it fit my schedule), and I read some interesting stuff about how, in general, great apes like gorillas have the cognitive capacity of a three or four-year-old human child. So, if that's true, then you have to consider the…

Confession: I stand to wipe. Also, I am female. I don't know why I do this other than I just do and I have literally never put thought into it before ever until this moment. I think it sounds super weird to wipe while sitting! You have to bend and reach around while still on the toilet?? Why would you do that?

So, is everyone totally sure that he is not actually Tony Stark and RDJ is just a fake name to hide his identity?

I'm inagining that this entails one of those big flip-over-number signs a la "THIS WORKPLACE IS 001 DAYS ACCIDENT-FREE!" only for how many Ebola infections there are, and that it's huge and located in front of your state capitol building. And that there's a guy standing next to it with the big stick for flipping the…

Sweet, I'm making more than I should be based on the salaries for everything on this list that can loosely be considered my job.

My boss is a dude, and he's pretty awesome. His boss is also a guy, who is pretty cool. But that guy's boss? Badass lady who runs our whole company.

A brief summary of every comment in this article:

Dafuq did i just read

Points for your comment, pic, username. 10/10 would star again.

Came down here just to see if soneone had already made this point, and you did, so thank you!!

"Jesus Tapdancing Christ on a Cracker!!"

"Retrospectively Alarming Fanfiction" is going to be the title of my memoir.

I read this whole thing in the voice of a movie trailer narrator, and it was awesome. "In a world..."