When I was a kid, my parents lived on the outer edge of a reasonably nice neighborhood (nice for my redneck town's standards. My parents are a secretary and used car salesman, so we didn't live in a mansion.) Outside our neighborhood, most of the housing in our town consists of cheap apartment buildings or tiny…

LE SINGE EST SUR LA BRANCHE!

Wow this comment section quickly turned into a who's the coolest Cool Girl contest, didn't it?

Only because mornings are the worst.

I never learned to braid my hair because my hyper-strict ex-stepmom (thanks for wising up, dad) used to make me sit still at night while she braided a billion braids into my hair so I would have super poofy curly poodle hair in the morning. It was supposed to look "lady-like" and somehow better than my stick-straight…

#notalldongs

Well CLEARLY your mom is doing Wicca wrong if you guys didn't bust out a little meth at your Samhain shindig. Jeez, come on, learn how to Wicca.

But what about yoga pants?? Surely these most comfy of pants get a pass. Yoga pants would never oppress me, right? RIGHT?!?

Oh man, I did the whole "hold your breath to hide from aliens" thing too. When I was ~7 my grandma was watching me and she fell asleep while watching TV, so she didn't realize one of those "Unsolved Mysteries : Alien Abductions" shows had come on after her TV movie. I watched it and became traumatized for YEARS. Two…

Schrodinger's wall clock?

Holy shitballs, you win. Pack it up, everybody, you can't top this.

Oh my GOD, buckle up, because we're taking a ride on the rage train. This just unleashed a movie-style flashback montage in my head of the approx 8 million times my dad has told me I "just don't get it" in regard to politics. That exact phrase every time. I just don't get it, but one day I night smarten up.

This became an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer halfway through.

Man, I want in on this! I wanna pay some cool black people to be friends with me. Or white people, Asian people, Latino people...oh god I'm so lonely...

Hmm, it SEEMS like a good likeness in this photo, but I think I'll need to examine it up close, just to be sure. Probably in my bedroom, where the lighting is the best. You know, for science.

I like this quote because it validates my chronic slackertude.

I bet all the douchecanoes complaining about her would change their tune real quick when she's pulling them out of a burning building.

So you grew up in a Mexican/Native/Chinese/Iraqi household? Would it be racist of me to assume you probably had the BEST food based on that combo?

What server gives "I'm tired from partying last night" as an excuse?? At least lie and say you were up working late or something, sheesh.

I'm plain ol' white Midwestern, but my family does the whole "I got the check" "No, I'll get it, I insist!" thing too. As a cheap youngish person, it's pretty great because I know if I offer to pay and make a show of it, my grandma or uncle or someone will swoop in with a "NO I INSIST!!" and I'm off the hook. I get to…