Pictured: Alabama's 2014 schedule

Rebuttal:

Since you make so much fucking money, you should be treating us all to lunch at Olive Garden. Put up or shut up.

SpongeBob and that other guy look pretty psyched to be on John Daly's pants:

[wags]

JUST TAKE THEM ALL DOWN YOU SHITFUCKS

300 dollar cooler full of fanciness or 40 dollar cooler and 260 dollars of alcohol...

I did. It was me who got the Lebron scoop.

Does it fuck you?!

/barely scans article after reading headline

Who Actually Got the Lebron James Scoop?

Not to hate on a child but the family has asked that family members refer to her as Princess Emily. If she's not a holy terror yet, she's about to become a royal pain. ha ha, royal pain! Get it? Topical! NAILED IT.

Unsurprisingly, there's an actual reason Bir Tawil's status is strange. Egypt borders Sudan, but they disagree with each other as to where the border is. Egypt asserts an 1899 version is correct, which gives Egypt the valuable Hala'ib Triangle while leaving the far less valuable Bir Tawil to Sudan. Sudan asserts a…

Assuming she grows up, that is. Justin and Caleb now have plenty of incentive to make sure that doesn't happen.

The district viewed video of the lap dance on a cell phone video.

Dat's nufin

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A…

LOL you guys realize crackity is hardcore trolling, right? Everyone is getting all riled up about what I thought was a pretty obvious troll to play off of the "URL Badman" theme. It's pretty meta.