To piggy back on a previous comment, as a former nanny of many families, I have found that the best parents constantly questioned themselves and worried often that they weren’t good parents. The worst ones thought they were incredible!

This is a valuable perspective, it’s pointless to completely demonize parents like this (obviously real monsters should be criticized!). My dad’s mom spanked him and his four brothers occasionally, and they all adored each other and had pretty idyllic childhoods. They are close to this day. Methods change, opinions…

My dad has the same stories about his mom. One of five boys, but she somehow always whacked the right boy!

I’m about to have a baby and I’m so surprised by my mom’s reaction to new parenting techniques, especially because she was pretty close to being a picture perfect mother. I’ll mention how the car seat faces toward the back, or how the baby will sleep on her back, or opinions about cloth/disposable diapers, and she…

Former nanny as well. I’ve found that income has VERY little to do with how well someone parents.

I’m surprised to see people wondering where the info is. There is SO MUCH, you just have to spend time figuring out what works best for your family.

Your point is so true. You have to be curious and want to do the best you can. It’s not enough to just parent by instinct! It’s a skill and there are tons of good resources out there.

Yeah, I’m watching my in laws do this (again) with my sister in law. They want to retire and travel the world without dealing with her addiction, myriad behavioral problems, and horrible co dependence, and they seem to think that moving her in with her boyfriend of two months is the answer. I’ve known them for eight…

I got married a year ago and am still thinking about this, but it feels more rushed now because we are having a baby in a few months. Every option feels annoying, so I am thinking of going the Cher route.

Married for a year, having a baby in a few months. I never changed my name, we are hyphenating baby’s last name. I might hyphenate to have the same last name as baby, not sure yet. My grandparents CRIED on Mother’s Day when they found out about baby’s last name. Begged me not to. Especially my grandma, oddly. People…

Good points, I hope I didn’t come across as too judgey of these people, I really liked and respected all of the parents I worked for. I’m not really sure how to answer your question. I don’t know how you know whether or not someone will hurt your kids. It’s scary. I just wish there were an easier way for parents to…

Yeah, it feels pointless to try to make excuses for this woman. None of her potential grievances had anything to do with a couple little kids. She gets no sympathy from me.

This. I think it’s easier to process something this awful when we can put the perpetrator into some sort of “broken person” category. Then we can believe that people can’t just be bad and scary. Some people just want to hurt and terrorize others. It’s sad and scary and true.

YES YES YES. As a former nanny, it is so frightening to know how little parents checked into my background. They were awesome people, but how do you agonize about giving your kids a vegan non GMO granola bar for an hour but hire me in fifteen minutes with no background check? I went to their college, so yay we all get…

I wrote something about my experiences as a nanny to great families who did very minimal checking on my background. I hope this can be a jumping off point for some sort of effort to more effectively vet childcare workers.

Particularly because she did not kill the parents, she killed little children who had absolutely nothing to do with the terms of her employment. Such an incredibly weird argument to make.

These types of excuses seem so unfair to me to the vast majority of people who have mental illnesses and do NOT commit crimes or hurt their friends and family.

Yep. I have an in law who causes so much havoc, then when she needs help she pops up and demands we all understand because of a vague mental illness. We were sympathetic for the first four or so years. But at some point the individual has to seek help and continue to seek help.

Seriously. I hate how quickly people throw out “well he had mental illness” every time something awful happens. A lot of people have a lot of problems and manage not to gun down strangers or kill babies. It’s insulting and lazy.

I know this isn’t the main takeaway from this article, so I will start by expressing sadness for this family and the poor kids.