"very very badly" + "monkey" means having your face or junk torn off. This chick got off easy.

True story: two nights ago, we were trying to explain to an extremely drunk friend what smegma is (in a room full of three women and three men, he was somehow the only person who didn't know). He just kept not fucking getting it. Finally I shouted "GODDAMIT, IT'S DICK CHEESE, CHRISTIAN."

STOP REMINDING ME THAT SMEGMA EXISTS.

That's because you're thinking like a human being. You need to put yourself in the mindset of a short-term-profit-maximizing sociopath. Actually, even then, it seems pretty silly.

Straight, white guys don't react well to criticism about being straight, white guys. They've never been subjected to it until just the last decade or so.

I'd assume that it's not about women being sexy, it's about women being naked, vulnerable, and unaware that they're 'putting on a show' for men that they have probably rejected who feel that they're getting revenge for the woman turning them down that one time.

Seriously, is this the fucking plot to a sex comedy, or a military vessel? I hope they throw them out on their asses. Set the precedent, clearly and early.

With this and the recently revealed torture information, is it really that hard to believe that our army likely mistreats women overseas as well? If this is how they treat their own forces, how do you think they treat people who are viewed to be the 'enemy'. We've all heard the stories of people in the military going…

This is absolutely disgusting.

Do you think they'd sue me if I made a t-shirt that said "EAT LES CHIKIN" and maybe one of those circles with a line through it over the Chick-fil-A logo?

No, these are two entirely different forms! The African lady has the Steely Gaze of Righteous Maternal Indignation (what we side-eye scientists call SGoRMI). A look that says "did you just track mud onto my floor/take the lord's name in vain/say you want to quit school?". Like Jack's uncooperative nanny in 30 Rock…

Are you from Chicago or is a 4 piece with mild sauce a thing elsewhere? Because I've spent too much of my life trying to explain to other people its beauty and am shocked by how many people don't know it's a thing.

I'm sorry - I'm not trying to start some kind of inter-racial competition, but nobody can give side eye like bougie black ladies. As someone who started wearing natural hair before it became cool to do so, I can tell you this, without fear of denial.

shantay. shantay. shantay. shantay. (yes, i looked that up and yes, i created an account merely for this comment.)

This was kind of everything.

Well, how do they define it? How sure are you that they don't? Would they admit it to you? I'm sorry to break this to you but if your friends/cousins/acquaintances are male, they would have probably at least sexually harrassed one woman. Unless we all magically lived in a feminist utopia.

This matters because the perception that nobody knows any rapists actually contributes to rape culture. If nobody knows one, there must not be so many, right? Wrong.

I really didn't intend for that to come across as hostile, but it is accurate. I'm so tired of all the people who say they don't know any rapists. Oh, no one I know would do that! Well, sorry, but you probably know someone who has.

I'm sorry, but you actually don't know that none of the "tons" of men you know aren't rapists. Nobody wants to think that they know a rapist, but odds are we all know one.