The number of odd/disgusting things eaten by my Polish grandfather are too long to list in a tweet. Lots of pickled fish of unknown origin.

Happy to oblige. Forgot to mention: my Pop-Pop dubbed her Bessie, and she is my beautiful perfect girl.

My grandpa owned his own business. Every day he shut it down for an hour so he could watch Sesame Street over lunch in the breakroom. He made everyone who worked for him (about a dozen people) join him. You had to have a pretty good excuse to not watch Sesame Street with him.

Yeah I’m gonna need some pictures of this.

Alright, buckle up for a Shakespearean epic that I promise will be worth your while.

My grandpa once complained to my grandma that the leftover peaches in the refrigerator tasted awful, but he ate them all anyway. They were egg yolks that my grandma had separated and saved for later.

I’m sorry for your loss. That was very brave of you to share.

Yeah but still.

He’s a Cardinal now! Also, this picture is not doctored in any way shape or form!

I fancy myself as an amateur birder in that I don’t record birds that I see, but I do like to point them out and note random factoids about them to anyone I am with.

Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?

And they’re stupid as fuck. The Target parking lot is not a sea, you stupid assholes

The goose is cool and good until eight of them start chasing you because you happened to be on a walk in the section of the park they all decided to congregate and shit on literally every fucking surface. That’s when the goose can get fucked.

Seagulls are flying bags of shit.

LaVar Ball, On Swimming Across The Atlantic The Day After His Son’s Big Game: “It Is Nothing For Me To Swim Across The Atlantic, I Do It All The Time”

LaVarr is currently swimming across the Atlantic so he can crow about the performance on First Take in person.

They are a testament to what public schools can produce if students have support at home and in well-funded schools.

My god the fact that this exists and I didn’t know about it until now is both the most depressing and joyous moment of my week so far.

Reminds me of when Kentucky’s coach had to grab the mic and tell the couple fucking in the bleachers “quit, cousins.”