Come try NHL hockey. We solved that problem!

Mister Mayor clearly recognizes that the comedic acceptance of terrible misfortune is high art.

Aho wasn’t going to sign for 8 years. That was the point. He wanted a 5 year deal from the Canes all along, and this was the quickest way to get it. Just saves everyone two months of negotiating, and both sides end up with a lot of what they want.

There is no sizable cap hit in the first year. For cap purposes, NHL contracts spread the AAV over the lifetime of the contract. Just FYI.

Like, say, a two year old with a skull fracture? A player openly weeping and being held by an usher? Mountains and mountains of bad press? Those kinds of unusual circumstances?

Good.

If he needs a gallon of milk every day of his life, you just signed up for a job that pays $16 a day.

Went 75-0 playing arcade Punch Out once. Probably my finest video gaming hour.

“Wee Man” is his nickname among the Bournemouth faithful. :)

He’s fine. Going home tonight.

Full feeling and movement in his extremities: