Also: Who burglarizes homes starting at 5:30am?

Because really—Can Guy Fieri actually prove that he would not be the outcome had Ed Hardy committed coitus with a Jugalette? Exactly.

I feel like after seeing Spotlight, one must immediately return home and watch The Paper.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp are like the Jackie Collins characters that Lucky Santangelo barely tolerates.

Jennifer Aniston and Miranda Lambert are starring in that remake of Thelma & Louise, right?

But have a gorgeous day!

Ahhhh...Then this sort of explains that terrible story line on Parenthood.

I’ve been called both Mindy AND a hater, but I’ve got nothing on you.

Equal parts kosher, glutenous, phallic, and bouncy castle.

But she was Degrassi Community School’s most famous teenage-mom-transfer-student-athleticwear-model!

I JUST WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE WE ALL WANT JENNIFER ANISTON TO BE HAPPY.

I doubt she will ever utter a word. Don’t you think Nicole Kidman would have also said something by now? There are likely lifelong gag orders in place just because they wanted out.

Not every interview about how terrible Scientology is can be about the same horrors of Scientology. It is important to expose the public to the real variety of batshit crazy experiences. And if you have regularly gone down Scientology rabbit holes for some time, you’ll even be a bit disappointed by Going Clear.

Yup. That Suri was an incredible woman. I think she was...2?

There seems to be a Jay-Z story on the front page so...I so hope she stops by. I miss her.

I would watch this movie so hard.

Has anyone seen her and a Ms. A. Barta in the same room?

So to combat the sexy current events costume, should I dress up as Ugly Justin Trudeau?

But no Sexy Kim Davis?!

While Gigi is an adorable pup, Double Creature really phoned it in this week.