"Mad Men" on drugs getting spooned by "Empire."

I watched "Total Divas" last week because I couldn't sleep. I'm not sure why I did it, and it sort of confused me. Its not really part of the WWE storyline, is it? But more like those "Star Wars" books generally dismissed by the fandom as being crap, and therefore not canon.

The only thing Mulder's trip was missing? Krycek in a mullet.

My parents and I returned home from seeing "Speed" and watched the chase unfold. This was the most 1994 night of my 1994. I think I even played Counting Crows' "August And Everything After" before I went to bed.

How is Charlotte an effective heel? Just because she's extremely unlikable and arguably now donning the worst wardrobe (and this is tough) in the Divas' division?

Jade is clearly a Cat Marnell type who also appears to have a multi-episode arc based on the previews for next week. So are we just supposed to accept that she's unhinged because she is a Marnell stand-in and because Josh says so? Or does the fact she's coming back mean we get to actually delve into the whole "psycho…

Mafia Paul Kinsey

Patricia Field is awesome. Now how long can she and Darren Star purport money issues for the characters? Although even the first season of SATC lacked the supposed budgetary issues faced my the "Younger" crew. Roommates exist! Kelsey and Lauren live with Lauren's parents! Good to know that even Maggie has to run the…

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?

I now demand daily health reports on Sirs Michael Caine, Patrick Stewart, and Ian McKellen. This is not an unreasonable request.

So I'm guessing that CatCo has no record of Kara's chats with Clark Kent because Winn is the IT guy?

And The Usos over The New Day?! Come on.

Is the ability to get the everyman's empathy a direct result of his promo? His girth sans muscle tone, regular guy ring name, and bare-bones attire delivers everyman without him opening his mouth.

Goldberg is Rybeck. Rybeck is Goldberg.

Tandy? Think about someone else other than…Tandy? Tandy is doing exactly what Tandy would be doing if his astronaut brother was still on the ISS.

I've never been bowed over by Calista Flockhart and Ally McBeal's charms were largely lost on me. But she's probably my favorite part of Supergirl. Even with the way the character is written and how her relationship with Kara/Supergirl has progressed, Cat could still be a one-note bitch, but Flockart imbues her with…

And Mike, before realizing Terry the Worm is dead—"You know you're the only family I've got."

It felt more Gathering of The Juggalos than Burning Man, at least after they stormed the town. Burning Man before they crossed the bridge, GOTJ after.

Other songs on the wheel included Madonna's "Like A Prayer" and Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes' "Home." So I'm assuming all of the selections adhered to a theme. A theme of blow jobs and belonging.

It's all coming back to me now.