I need your Hallmark Channel power rankings.

And the easiest breakups ever. The bland "of course they're wrong for her" pre-boyfriends never go out with a fight.

There are few sympathetic characters on HTGAWM. Oliver and Connor. Laurel has grown more compelling, and perhaps Michaela has a tiny bit.

And I am now hoping "Empire" ends and Taraji joins "Westworld."

I want to go back to 2008.

Logan is the startup bro who won't shut up about Burning Man.

Remember how last week's stray dropped the bolder on his head as a potential prevention mechanism so they couldn't retrieve his core code? Could the MiB be aware of this and hence the use of the exploding cigar? But as it is as an approved pyrotechnic…

Me too.

Would they, though? Or just devolve into some furiously-worded sexual tension or repeated first-person denial of sexual tension?

An Aaron Sorkin—Shonda Rhimes co-production is one of my top 5 pop culture nightmares.

"William's Asshole Co-Worker" (EDIT: Logan — a great name for an asshole co-worker) is like so many assholes I've known from Burning Man. He thinks Westworld is the greatest place ever and where he can be himself, and probably rarely hangs out with people who haven't been because "they just don't understand." I'm…

Kill Bonnie.

[Searches to see if this song was ever used in an adaptation of the Kitty Genovese story]

And Charlotte is blond Roman Reigns. May she just begin to fade into the mid-card.

This show is actually getting…good.

I love Gloria. Like if I had to go war with someone, I would make sure she was my general.

Every season, there's always at least one character whom I had previously written off as a useless pile of steaming s**t who finally becomes human. Aleida definitely earned sympathy from me this time around. And honestly, I never really expected to feel anything for her, especially based upon what we have seen in her…

Aleida has always been someone who puts the man before the children. Even though it clearly has not worked out well for her.

Evil, I always enjoy your Power Pairing Rankings. I just wanted to tell you that.

If they managed to successfully freeze a select group of humans (mostly against their wills) for thousands of years—enough to defrost in batches—you would think they might have given more thought to the whole reproduction thing. I mean, kidnapping wasn't a big deal so I'm shocked Hope Davis wasn't running around with…