I think teaching cars to drive like people is a VERY BAD IDEA

Can you get Louis Hamilton to drive your battery powered Beetle though?

You forgot to suggest a unicorn to the first person as the only vehicle that fits their criteria. But don't forget to recommend a German, SUV unicorn...

This exactly. By the time you get through all his requirements, there are only 3 manufacturers and 1 body size/shape he's willing to accept. Even with the model bloat of German manufacturers that's at most like 6 cars, right?

More than $500 for a Jeep???? David Tracy would be so disappointed. CP

Absolutely not. I’d maybe pay $20,000 for it.

Sexy

Sounds about right

Are you surprised that nobody else tows with their Buick? 

Really cool, but definite CP

Amazing how in the rest of the world people drive smaller cars and still manage to have children. How do they do it? We'll never know...

Have you considered getting a new wife instead of a new car?

“The standard Wrangler was only rated to tow 2,000 pounds, but the Unlimited—presumably due to the added stability resulting from its longer wheelbase and higher weight—could yank over twice that at 3,500"

All of them please. Thanks

Wrong. Colors are always better

I fucking love Jalopnik, and I really enjoy your articles about cars, but this article is not really about cars, and is still the best fucking article I’ve read on this site. Keep up the good work and hopefully many people will read this and take something away from it.

No but I want to

There should only be 3 records available:

I work in the Customs department of a major importer. Yes, the trade war has affected me.

And as you might expect, being that it is something that is inherently good and also yellow (also inherently good) it is on entirely the opposite side of the country to me, which is inherently bad (not yellow) and leaves me feeling blue (also not yellow).