Without getting played? You must not remember that Stephen Jackson played himself when playing hardball with the Spurs.

It's cute you think the national media would care at all about anything with the Spurs.  We are such a small burg we keep all that stuff on the DL.  We didn't even tell y'all about the time Tim Duncan killed all those people. 

The site of Fisher and Barnes' treaty? Temecula.

If they bring Patrick Beverly or Draymond “Dick Kicker” Green on as a guest they could create a shit talking trifecta of the likes the NBA has never seen before.

ESPN missed the boat when it didn’t negotiate flex scheduling for its MNF contract. So you get stuck with Bengals/Steelers and Patriots/Jets and (checks schedule) Dolphins/Steelers? Good lord.

ESPN derives an absurd amount of income from the NFL. So it’s in their best interest to have the broadcaster of MNF be nothing more than a cheeerleader so shamelessly in the tank for the NFL. If the NFL asked him to shove a football up his ass, Tessitore would set the land speed record racing to the store to buy lube. 

In his defense, the longer he stays on stage, the longer Robocop has to triangulate his location and shoot his dick clean off.

The delicious irony is now that Taubman is himself, in baseball terms, an undervalued asset, no other team will hire him because they’re supposedly bad at analytics (which apparently just means being willing to overlook the fact that he’s a complete asshole).

“The male subject responded, ‘no, can you give me 10 seconds.’”

Curt Schilling just DM’ed Drake that he can borrow his ‘97 Ford Thunderbird anytime he’s in town.

Hey man, drunk Joe Namath still asked for consent.

You should learn to read.

You’re making me so corny.

You think that’s bad, Adam Gates lied to us and said Darnold was starting for the Jets and not the Pats.

I’m not saying ‘Montana Yao’ is a stripper name, but it’s definitely a stripper name.

I would gladly pay a The Athletic-type subscription fee to Deadspin if it guaranteed me a weekly segment of this stupidly perfect show.

2014 was college sophomore year, eh? Welp, guess I’ll be dead soon.

Fans might take the game more seriously if it weren’t being called Snyder-Man: Homecoming

If you listen closely, you can hear Peterson say, “You switch the play and you’ll get the switch!”

His lawyers also claim that he did not throw her down the stairs—merely, he picked her up, tried to carry her out of the house , but slipped before reaching the stairs and caught her in his arms.