So not only do you use the handicapped stall without shame, you intentionally lie on your way out?

I use the handicap stall every time I poop. It’s always cleaner and I like all the kicking room i gots in there. Really let’s a man relax while he’s trying not to let other people here him loudly fart out sprays of shit in a public bathroom and being labelled as “that guy” as you walk out in shame.

If Mike’s last name were anything else, I’m convinced he’d be unemployed.

*looks at photo*

probably that you’re an asshole.

I was trying to quote Red Forman from That 70s Show but later realized he says “dumbass” and not “jackass”, ironically making me the “dumbass”.

Waking up in ICU with amnesia.

Surprised he didn’t get away with it. Judging by the picture at the top, he serves as his own look-out.

Got him with the grammar correction.  He’s never going to post on the internet again after that.

First of all, I said explicitly that I don’t know much about Thompson. So I didn’t know that about him.

I don’t know much about Tristan Thompson, but I know enough about Draymond Green to know that Thompson was totally right, and I’m 100% on his side, and he absolutely won the fight.

Counterpoint: all quarterbacks on an NFL roster should date porn stars. Those on practice squads may settle for exotic dancers.

“You ever been to Pornhub?”

No, never.

Hot take: CGI Peter Cushing ruled.  

She didn’t respond nearly as well to my Activia story. And I had photos.

A Bryan Goldberg machine is a device designed to perform a simple task incorrectly.

She really did nothing but kick ass (literally and metaphorically) for six incredible seasons of television. I’m going to try and ignore any assholes trying to bash her and just be happy for her. She earned this.

Great gif, too!

She’s obviously going to play someone who goes around castrating men with a lightsaber. You can’t hide your agenda from me, Disney.

Yeah, I don’t know if Iron Man 3 is good, but it’s definitely enjoyably weird.