Jack Sock > Johnny Dickshot > Rusty Kuntz

Please keep comments to this article limited to puns using the competitor’s name.

Hewitt advances to face Dozingoff Ohmygodmomcantyouknock in the next round.

Good sportsmanship takes courage. And I expected this guy to be kind of yellow.

So the cheerleaders, who are also professional athletes, are supposed to make ends meet via ... what, exactly? Fucking the team and hopefully getting a few bills shoved their way in return? How nice and open-minded of these conservative fucksticks to show their support for prostitution.

wait so this editorial board works near some of the richest people in the country in the OC so does this mean that they also can be paid $0.50/hour

This is why whenever I need to get some food, I just go to the supermarket and hang out by the checkout. I get to be in close proximity to people who have food, which is the same as having it, yourself.

Hell, it’s not even trickle down economics anymore. Apparently, you’re supposed to just be happy to be in the physical vicinity of that kind of money.

Perfect. And it’s a Winston jersey.

This is, basically, the narrative of American football right now.

Typical Mormons: the only thing getting blown is money.

19 different Cardinals have scored in 2015

“I’m not losing any sleep over it, that’s for sure.”

That would explain Peyton’s gigantic melon.

Not losing sleep does not equal hiring crisis manager.

Peyton is technically correct as it is has become abundantly clear that the performance enhancing drug he actually takes is

More stars needed. I somehow found a Merton Hanks jersey at a sports store in New Jersey 20 years ago. I still wear that and do his amazing chicken walk whenever I do something good.

You can’t blame Beckham for thinking Merton Hanks will stick his neck out for him.

There is no penalty for taking a timeout you don’t have.

This is just an example of how the system works against the Blackmon.