Why is that Giants dude so sweaty? And why is that naked dude so naked? And how many fantasy football teams are going to be named Orchids of Asia this year?

It constantly amazes me how one-legged most professional soccer players are.

Opposite the Oscars, TCM will be showing two early Best Picture winners; these two films represent both kinds of Best Picture (one popular but ordinary, and the other a timeless classic).

Speaking of Williams Sonoma, for some reason they keep advertising a butt plug on my Facebook feed

“Nobody believed in us.”

The Academy should just unfuck up the nominations and give Toni Collette the damn award for Hereditary and then give Mahershala Ali it for the first half of this season of True Detective.

As bad as this is for Nike, this was a far worse look for them:

When my wife gave birth the nurses were like pain is bullshit. They pushed the epidural and post birth pain pills like they were short on Marlo’s money. She didn’t have a whole lot of choice.

I tell ya, golf courses and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate.

John Elway runs the Broncos the way Homer Simpson groaned at the mere prospect of owning them, when Hank Scorpio gave him the team.

Girl, you must be tampering because you have  “fine” written all over you. 

Dad jokes are the best.

That game was such a beat down we deserved Hazard pay for making it all 90.

Jesus! Even more evidence of Russia meddling with our erections.

Pelicans have always been at that level, few people though have ever realized it

The Pelicans have merely joined the upper echelon of vindictiveness and malice, long occupied only by geese

Re: Shaq’s endorsements.

welcome back

Word out of Washington is that their plan was always to have him be John Steel Slats anyway.