Yeah this has more of a “I need to find a million dollars or the person I owe a million dollars to will murder me” kind of vibe

If it costs $50,000 to get off a sinking ship, so be it.

“It’s Applebee’s bottomless margarita night all over again”

Just in time, ‘cause these pretzels are making me thirsty.

If they are going to have the extra week leading up to the Superbowl, my suggestions:

That’s called “the new agent.”

If you sit on your hands for like ten minutes before you email the team your trade request, you can’t even feel your hands while you're typing. 

When the booze hits your brain

I can’t tear my eyes off of Eric Gordon’s reaction in that GIF.

*discreetly tucks sword cane away*

If it weren’t vegetarian, they wouldn’t call it “tossing salad”.

“and ordered Mr. Rooney held until sober”

Counter: bringing a less talented but as moody late-stage Nicholas Anelka into your locker room in the middle of the season might come back to bite you. 

Yeah, to me, that’s the big fix that needs to be made. Some combination of live speed-only, a limited number of viewings, and/or a relatively short time limit are necessary. The goal of replay should be to reverse the fuck ups and guarantee that a team doesn’t get boned, not to make any given call maximally perfect.

Because literally nobody besides the Black Israelites themselves thinks the Black Israelites are anything but a bunch of hateful nutjobs. It would be like calling out the Westboro Baptist Church or the bonkers anti-abortion nuts parked outside of the White House almost every damn day; it’s redundant.

How dare you disrespect Birdie.

He grew up in a well to do community and was the star quarterback in highschool (where he was a dipshit and everyone kissed his ass). He momentarily got sidetracked because he was a bad student who was 5'10" and ended up up overcoming SOMETHING in order to be a successful dipshit who still thinks he’s an underdog,…

Though Congress has yet to designate it an official act of war, the NBA sent the Knicks to London.

FIFY.