Was being sarcastic, poking fun at myself for nitpicking about nothing.

I'm sorry, I was making fun of myself here, not you. Sorry for being unclear.

I could be wrong but I think the article is referring to Josh Gordon. It would help if the article explained who it meant. Because, let's be honest, that's the real problem here; slightly spotty reporting, not that the NFL completely devalues women.

Shut up, idiot. Hit the road if you don't like it, no one invited you to come piss in the pool.

Gotta pay attention to what the man said. He wins through the way he lives, not by not dying. Everybody dies, and dying of cancer doesn't mean you lose the fight. Otherwise, completely agree.

Yeah I'm sure Hitler's family (if there are any left alive) is just shouting their relationship from the rooftops. At a party: "Oh, me? Well, Hitler was my great-uncle...where are you going?"

Which explains why you want to shoot your mouth off on the internet; you don't get a chance to speak your mind any other way.

The smile at the end is the BEST.

You've spotted the part in the exercise where I gave up on editing and just kicked the comment out. Although I would argue the coffee bean itself IS poop under the definition that it processed through a digestive tract (as being distinct from, say, a dime you ate by accident).

Yeah, I wasn't dissatisfied with that one for a number of reasons. I could have gone with a "your mom" joke but I didn't like that either.

Antarctica is a desert. Rape isn't fun. I don't personally drink civet coffee, but some people seem to like it.

Homeboy is worth $140 million. He may look like a goof and act like a sack of garbage, but he's got the tall dollars.

I definitely had tearbloom right before hitting that sentence.

The parenthetical explanation that Canada is the country you are talking about is wonderfully snide.

43 dudes using the same HBO Go account.

*chokes on a hot dog*

Simon Pegg!

I think it's ok because it's using CNN as the butt of the joke, not the people who died. It's like making a joke that makes fun of the KKK for being vile racists; you're not making fun of the innocent people they've killed and tormented. Wait, did I just say CNN is like the KKK?!

Giving up on the Indians (and all Cleveland sports) has had a fairly significant impact on my overall happiness. I concur with your dad's plan of action.

It's interesting that you say he played him like an action hero, because that scene I described was (for me) exactly what you're talking about. He's scared and doesn't belong there, but he's going to try his best (and he doesn't look like a hard man jumping for or dangling from the helicopter. The only guy he…