This right here. I’m trying to figure out a worse small market nightmare scenario for Finals ratings than Portland-Milwaukee, and all I can land on is Sacramento-Charlotte or Utah-Orlando. Not that this is an excuse, mind you; I bleed Blazers red, but I’m not seeing much in our chances this time around.

It’s not an excuse even though I love the Blazers, but does anyone think there’s any way this league allows for a Portland vs Milwaukee Finals? In terms of media markets, I think the only worse outcome for a series would be, what, Utah vs Orlando? So, Warriors vs Raptors it shall be.

Dude sure was known for his, um, stamina.

“What time is it!?!”

I thought you’d still be in bed this morning, Russ.

What does the trajectory of the bounce off his leg have to do with anything? He was dribbling, lost the ball, grabbed it with both hands, then started his dribble back up again. Any youth league ref in the country is going to call that right away. The only slack I’ll give this crew is that double dribble is so…

He’s gonna have some buyer’s remorse when he finally finishes his PhD program in Cryogenics and insists on being called Dr. CooL ICE. There’s no changing that M to a D, no sir.

It’s already been onerous even without an outright ban in a lot of places. One day I went to the farmers market during my lunch break and bought a pint of blueberries. I went to a game directly after work and during the bag search the security kid told me that I couldn’t bring outside food in. “Come on, man, I’m not…

Yeah, don’t use Ray’s cards, the dude sucks at poker.

A pint is 16 ounces (or 20, if you go by the glorious imperial measure in the UK). Fuck marketing 18 ounce or 7 ounce glasses with the word “pint”.

A pint is 16 ounces (or 20, if you go by the glorious imperial measure in the UK). Fuck marketing 18 ounce or 7…

It’s so nice they let that old stadium usher come down and celebrate with the cup.

I 100% thought that was a poorly aging Seth Green on the left up there.

1. My old-ass southern grandmother used to call us in from playing out in the yard by yelling, “Bathe your hands for supper!” I always grew up thinking dinner was a more formal term, not less.

How many games until he breaks one of the backboards in Cameron? Those things look like they’d take for goddamn ever to replace, I can’t wait to see that happen.

It’s great to see Conan putting his last remaining year of eligibility to good use.

Look down at your feet? You wearing adidas today? Yep, that’s how.

Ah, but if you’re in Oregon you’re not paying any tax on your meal.

Minimum wage in Oregon is actually $12 now. But yes, still tip, at least until restaurants adopt a service fee model.

The fuck outta here, trying to tell me that’s a picture of a human woman and not a Real Girl doll.

The assessment is the best part. $8 million of improvements on $23,000 of land!