Lets compromise and eat all the royals.

This whole thing was a classic example of peak white feminism (TM)

Nothing says fighting the patriarchy like calling a random young woman a “fucking bitch” amirite ladies

I do the exact opposite; I stand up as soon as the plane takes off

I love that there’s an anti-everything take now. Fucking an anti-meh take. A take against a word so bland it means indifference.

I used to play bass for Alaskan Thunder Fuck

Funny you should mention that, because I laughed out loud for the first time in a while at the dude asking if he can never drink or smoke again because he had kids. 

Must be visiting BYU

You live close by and thought you’d be the last stop on the route, rather than the first? Why would they haul your stuff around all day when you’re right there?

Alex Smith

Settle a score in my office. You’re typing and realize you misspelled something. Do you…

$10 for a jar of marinara? Must be nice being part of the 1%

Broseph Stalin, the classic

Lighten up Francis.

Guessing that means you do like being called “boss” by people who you do supervise? Classic boss shit.

while everyone else at work was putting their “pronouns” in their email signatures my buddy and I decided to have some fun with it an put ours as “dude/bro/brah.” Yeah, that didn’t last very long before complaints were made.

Feel free to add your own.

Abide 

Between the previews and the movie is the perfect time to go get a refill.

The most underrated band of the ‘90s was Poop Towel.