They did call the police, but it took 45 minutes for them to show up. and the woman was gone by then.

Isn’t country music based on violent alcoholism?

Yes. The only bad thing that ever happened is that sometimes you’d be waiting for your friend to show up somewhere, and you wouldn’t know if they were late or if something happened and they weren’t coming. Sometimes you would find a payphone and call them, only to get an answering machine. So you’d wait for 45 minutes…

All I remember about Prodigy is my brother and I posting the dumbest questions we could think of in the pet owner forums and thinking we were hilarious. Good times!

I was blissfully unaware of her existence until today, and I wish to return to that innocent time.

One of the benefits of being an old is that I was in the clubs during the real House era.

So you’re not buying anything then?

Swoon.

If only.

Hey, that’s how I tie my scarf! Who knew I was all fancy and shit!

My family tree has quite a few Augusts.

Considering that children tend to rebel against their parents, I think Balthazar will be a banker, which will create confusion when he tries to make reservations at the restaurant Balthazar

People don’t like change. He’s the familiar, soothing voice of morning mediocrity.

Ok, now picture her cute little son sitting next to her also coloring in his little prince’s coloring book, and it gets a lot more bearable.

I’m terrible about warming up and cooling down. I just don’t have the patience for it, and if I’m running in cold weather, I want to start running fast right away to get my body temp up.

Just invite all your neighbors. They’ll be afraid to go to a brown person party, but they won’t complain because they were invited.

I really question the premise that these are the best Saturdays of the year.

It’s not? Oh well.

Same. The last thing I want to see is the effects of an open bar on my asshole coworkers.

Ours is on a Thursday afternoon, 3:00 - 6:00. If we choose not to attend the party, we get to go home. So I just go home at 3:00 and take a nap. Winning.