I honestly think Rose has a learning disability or a below-average IQ. He seems...slow. (Of course that has nothing to do with the case.)

There are two sides to every story. And when there’s only one, we just make up another one. So things will be balanced.

We should all strive to remove sticks from our clenched asses. Is this your first time on Deadspin?

Where’s Johnson’s mugshot from the altercation? Oh, you mean they didn’t arrest him for assault? I guess that makes sense. I forgot the law that says you can beat the shit out of someone if they hit you and insult you, especially when they’re no longer attacking you, and double especially if you’re a public figure. He…

Space Pirates or Sea Pirates?

With or without pirates?

Coming back strong. Nice.

Where did you stay in buenos Aires?

They promise you the world, but it’s all a lie.

Golf balls can’t melt steel beams.

I didn’t know it was a meme. I was half-awake making a lame joke. :)

That's the problem. You can only have one final fantasy, not XV.

Will there ever be a true Final Fantasy (i.e. a final Final Fantasy)? All these years and every title is still a lie.

Why do people hate freedom so much?

Not surprising. Like I said, it was 15 years ago, but it seemed to be beginning to gentrify.

I meant the Brooklyn one. Seemed like there were some rough parts around there.

Last time I was there (admittedly like 15 years ago) it wasn't the safest place to hang out. Has it changed any?

I’m guessing the majority of the union is comprised of meatheads of varying degrees. Not necessarily bad, but maybe not the sharpest or best-educated of the lot.

Sorry not all of us follow NDSU as closely as you, apparently.

Two scoops, know wha I mean?