“Pro style offence” not “pro style offense!”

She’s made quiet a splash. Hopefully she can continue to ride this wave.

Don’t worry, his kids cope with the standard Bush family mechanism: controlled substances. (At least one that I know of.)

Only tangentially-related: I love the Johnsonville brat commercial where the parents of the living-at-home manchild inform him that the Johnsonville factory has burned down. It’s so perfect. The fake headline they wrote on the fake newspaper even says “The Johnsonville Sausage factory burned down, Brian.” It is truly…

He traveled.

Woah woah woah. Making someone read “Gravity’s Rainbow” is prohibited by the CBA as “cruel and unusual” punishment.

A pile of expired Lunchables

Can’t be a photo of the actual tech team at Yahoo. No one is wearing cargo pants.

NOT ELITE

samies. I thought he did it on purpose, too. Then I read it in the next line and saw it wasn’t “Scott.”

When C.A. shows up to cross-post on another Gawker platform, you know someone is about to get told.

ACTUALLY, his Luck Quotient (LQ) is slightly above replacement-level LQ for players at his position. But it’s not a statistically significant difference. So while he’s not luckier, he has as much luck as others.

The East-West All-Stars is one of the most re-watchable skits from all variety shows (SNL, Amy Schumer, etc) in recent memory. Even though you know the names (Donkey Teeth!), the delivery makes the skit. Too good.

I’ve gone with rlm

...a midget dressed like Martha Stewart who if you squeezed her tight enough would squeal out “it’s a good thing!”

Yes. Yes to all of you.

Perfect joke to start off my work day. Ok, I’m in my office and not really working. But this is good Kinja.

I decided that this year was going to be the year that I stopped watching pro football. I couldn’t justify endorsing a pasttime where we expect players to destroy their health for our enjoyment. I’m no saint for doing so, I just decided that the NFL wasn’t getting any of my money this year.

♫ When you’re waiting a while but a cop starts to profile/