I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. Fuck this guy.

Welp, I hope all of you who insisted the Democrats had to nominate Hillary because Bernie wasn’t a “real” Democrat are happy now. Because of your insistence on purity politics and stamping your feet like a child and insisting it was Clinton’s turn rather than being a grown up and compromising to support the candidate…

It gets worse. SCOTUS has a case on its docket in this term (Gramble v United States) that’ll decide the fate of the dual sovereignty doctrine. Basically, it allows the double prosecution of a person by more than one state for the same crime, where both states have jurisdiction for the prosecution. It’s an exception…

The ending of Death Proof on repeat.

“recent time in Chicago has him thinking about returning to his “roots,” leading him to want to record it in Africa, instead.”

What about those of us who’ve thought he was an overrated idiot for that entire time? Do we get any credit for being right all along?

No, it’s not.

That performance was embarrassing. I know the SNL sound is historically terrible, but still. Looked and sounded like a talent show.

Perhaps I have the strength after all. Maximum effort!

“ROUSes? Rods Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.”

“Are you trying to trick me? Is this a killing book?”

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die, fuckface!

“I know I’m a single, white, closeted homosexual, self-loathing total piece of shit, male from South Carolina.

“If you can ignore everything in this record, look in [sic] an allegation that’s 35 years old, that’s uncertain in time, please, date, and no corroboration—if that’s enough for you, god help us all as Republicans.”

I suspect that’s the real reason Fox News fired him. He told someone to pick up a book. Surely that’s going way off message.

I dunno, I’ve always wanted a handy guide to explain the concept of “mansplaining” to people who don’t get it and I feel like now I can just show the opening of this hearing.

Black unemployment was incredibly low during Washington’s presidency. Not many people know that.

Hahahaahahah, oh you

The best chair gag was in the series finale, where Frasier has a fancy new chair moved into the apartment, Martin sits down, relaxes and says, “Oh, I would have been fine with this.”

Who the fuck is being rewarded in this story? You have a really fucked perspective on the world.