Donald Trump must be thrilled. “Make America Russian Again.”

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

Did Lochte lie or just shade the truth? The story on deadspin published last night seems to be the most accurate and comprehensive order of events.

4 piss ass drunk swimmers vandalize a gas station at 6am. Security comes up and demands compensation speaking a foreign language and a gun may or may not have been drawn.

In…

Goats will eat almost anything

Poor guy. Now he may have to suffer the indignity of the cone for a couple of weeks so he doesn’t chew off the bandage.

To be fair, Lochte probably doesn’t know the difference.

Eh, wouldn't be surprised if a lot of murders in Rio aren't included in that stat.

“It’s one thing if it was true, but I have to say I’m pretty devastated that they’d go so far to make something up to mock and ridicule me so much.”

Pole v. Pole.

Humans can’t run through steel beams. Open your eyes, steeple!

Tom Ford makes a cologne that makes you smell like tobacco. Why? Why is that a thing?

I would advise Donaldson not to monkey around with Gibbons.

I saw a pretty good documentary about that a while back

May your “Topical Naked Gun Quote” gimmick account live a long and successful life.

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!”- Lt. Frank Drebin

SORRY YA HONAH. YOU-THHSSS.

Well fuck me

Lions “fan” (if that’s possible, but that’s my plight).

In his mind, he has not done anything wrong because in his mind, football is more important than the “alleged” sexual assault and rape of non-football players. In fact, those girls should be “putting out” so that football players “can let off some steam.” Those kids are under a lot of pressure, ya know.

So...he’s going to end up with either the Cowboys or the Lions as an assistant.