That’s enough sausagery for today, boys. Give yourselves a break.

God dammit Billy.

Sad Johnny is sad. Sad, but still very rich. You know what cheers up sad Johnny? Vegas bombs — in Vegas. Gas up the family jet and throw on your “Make America Great Again” hat, Johnny! You’re the king of the world!

+1 nicely done.

Did you 3-putt her back 9?

When you say things like, “This is going to sound arrogant, racist, sexist, stupid, but it’s not...” it definitely is.

I wonder how many former straight edge kids eventually gave up their “choice” because it’s no longer the cool thing to do now that they’re adults. I imagine they’re now working normal jobs, smoking weed during the week and drinking PBR while listening to old Throwdown songs before going to watch a minor league hockey…

“I don’t know if you felt it, but I dropped those barbells really hard on the floor. We should work out together. What’s your number?” - Works every time.

I got fuckin’ no dukes.

Is his horse’s name American Pastime?

My thoughts exactly.

lax. quacks.

Thanks a latté.

Debatable...

Does anyone know how Schefty obtained those images? Did he coerce it out of them? Did he pay them for a copy of the medical record? $100? $1,000? If those employees were trying to “help” Adam Schefter out, because he’s Adam Schefter, and then got fired for it, I don’t know how I would feel about that. A.) They’re…

Well this was me when Flamini stepped onto the pitch.

My guess is a Tejota.

I can’t stand watching sportscience. They over-dramatize and embellish their “research” to make it sound like something absolutely insane is happening when it’s really just impressive athleticism. “As he begins his explosive jump, he generates 5 Gs of force, which is the equivilant of an F-15 fighter jet and by…

He then abandoned R. Kelly for a Bruno Mars song because he doesn’t perform unless he’s guaranteed hardware.

I’ll never understand why millionaire athletes get mediocre tattoo artists to permanently mark them with their “art.”