trumps going to disown Eric, adopt Stephen, marry Ivanka, kill Jared and fuck Bannon.

Kushner has had sex with Trump’s daughter, something Trump can only dream of.

Also, somehow Jared Kushner looks like a breathing Madame Tussaud version of Jared Kushner.

When people ask what happened here, tell them that winter came for House Pornhub, and lots of people didn’t.

[Sergeant] Detritus was particularly good when it came to asking questions. He had three basic ones. They were the direct (“Did you do it?”), the persistent (“Are you sure it wasn’t you that done it?”), and the subtle (“It was you what done it, wasn’t it?”). Although they were not the most cunning questions ever…

Big deal. I just took a shit and I didn’t have to fight anybody or nothin.

All the bottles are still white, tho.

Sometimes when I see ridiculous commercials, I try to imagine what that pitch meeting must have been like, and I feel like the phrase “protest is the new brunch” was uttered in this one.

Luckily they’ll all be dead soon

They should have asked him for his SAG card in return.

When the people don’t get bread, the crumbs are loaves.

Hello. I’m not American. Can someone tell me why America thought it was a good idea to make a functionally illiterate man with severe personality disorders the President of the United States of America?

Primeminister May is currently visiting.

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

WAIT A SECOND.

Um... it looks like it was stolen direct.

Tertiary q: why does this man look like alt-right Jon Snow

Look. Alex. That’s just urinalysis.

I feel like we can eventually undo any over conservative ideologies that may get implemented but we’ll never be able to reconstruct our atomized remains after a hydrogen bomb is dropped directly on to our collective faces.