Somewhere out there, E.L. James just preordered this and opened a new Word doc.

I thought we all agreed that there was only one remake we needed.

the woman literally emailed me right after the story went up to say “i’m glad you told that commenter to fuck off”

Don’t you mean ram?

That’s BULLSHIT.

Feel the need to rant.

We don’t know when these scenes were filmed, just that they were released recently. There are three I can think of, Tokyo Love Hotel, Stoya, and Stoya and James that are all on trenchcoatx.

“Nobody’s comin’ to your sweet sixteen party, Louise.”

Wait, are you sure Fayetteville isn’t the worst part of North Carolina? Because I’ve lived here all my life and I spent 8 years of my childhood there and let me tell you, I don’t miss it. However, I love the Triangle where I currently live and also the mountains and Wilmington and the Outer Banks.

The only thing that could make it better is he if turned out to have an Ashley Madison account.

Spring Breakers is worth seeing just for the fact that there’s a lot of fun things to look at and lots of James Franco moments to laugh at. I didn’t hate it, really. It was entertaining at least.

And people are still blaming what happened to those innocent people on mental illness. White people must be humanized at all costs. Notice that when the police found him, they gave him a vest and didn’t handcuff him. The life of a white man who kills black people has value but the life of a black child who holds a…

My late husband and his best man were in charge of transporting the liquor and the wedding cake to the hall before heading off to the church. They very carefully filled the trunk of the borrowed Lincoln with all the booze, then gingerly set the cake on top.

My pops is black and my mom is white, and when they got married in the early 80s in buttfuck Colorado this was quite the anomaly/scandal. They couldn't find a black groom cake topper so they just sharpied in a white dude. Nothing says “special day” like blackface on your wedding cake

My aunt Bonnie’s second wedding was a small affair in Lake Tahoe. Her cake was from a chain grocery store, which, since it was located Tahoe, did regular wedding cake business and had a pretty large bakery section. My aunt’s fiancé, Steve, picked up the cake the morning of the wedding and came back to the cabin we…

I wanted a 3 tier square shape, small and simple. My ex husbands mother claimed to be the cake boss of the rural south and “could whip that up easy peasy.” She kept me up to date on cake progress and everything she was super stoked, and I bought the hype. Come the day of our wedding (April fools day actually) we get…

True story: some guest’s +1 did this at my cousin’s wedding; it was basically a wedding dress if you married (hah) a little black dress and a wedding dress. Office printer paper white and more lace than the actual bride’s dress—justified, of course, by the fact that the +1 had been married 5 months ago and considered…

Autocorrects are no joke. I sexted my gf something like “I’m going to lick your clot”. While that is unsexy by itself, she is also terrified by blood clots, making things worse. It happened so frequently that I changed my autocorrect setting so that clit and clot would be changed to clit...

Wedding favors. We didn’t have any because I couldn’t think of anything I was dying to give people. I watched my friends freak out over the ‘perfect wedding favor’ and work way too hard and spend way too much money on something that gets left behind, tossed in a junk drawer, or eaten and forgotten about. So we just…