So, two of my sisters-in-law do wedding photography. As a joke, my MIL posted a bunch of those horrible Russian wedding photos - you know, like where the bride is in a tiny bubble on the groom’s hand, and so on - as “suggestions”. One of them was these centaurs.

The Mrs. and I didn’t do a wedding registry because we already had ALL THE STUFF. We mostly got cash and Home Depot gift cards and a few cheesy photo frames with “inspirational” quotes, figurines and one extremely weird crucifix (neither my wife nor I are religious, let alone religious enough that we would ever…

To put in the wedding “stuff” credenza, along side the blended sand colors, the commitment candle, the numerous albums, the garter, the carefully preserved bouquet, and the hymen stained sheets.

For my brother’s 40th birthday I got him 7 kids cards where the ages summed to 40 and wrote something silly in each one of them. He loved it.

I have a friend who uses her real silver every day! She made sure she got it in the divorce, so her ex couldn’t pawn it for drugs, and she and her son eat every meal with it. I always feel fancy when I use it at her house!

CANDLES ARE THE WORST why are candles a thing this isn't fucking 1066.

I write a check and write “to love’s eternal glory” in the memo line. Thank you to The Office for that.

We used this:

Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth in all their glory. The wrestling ring got a little wilty by the end of the night, unfortunately. This was from our beach/wrestling themed reception we had before getting hitched in the Caribbean. Best tasting cake my mother ever made.

Etsy had a ton of adorable cake toppers like these but they were way over budget, so I bought the blank people from a craft store and painted them myself. I already had most of the paint so I think they cost about $10? I secretly hope if we ever have/adopt kids they’ll enjoy playing with these someday.

3D scan/ print

I’m a knitter, so I knit a tiny bride and tiny groom and affixed them to a small slice of wood, which was actually from a set of coasters I found on etsy. I glued a lid from a can of something (beans? who knows) to the bottom so the wood would not sit directly on the cake.

Ours was a unicorn wearing a veil and a t-rex wearing a top hat. The t-rex was then stomping on a tradition plastic little bride and groom thing from the dollar store. I made the whole thing myself. I think I paid maybe, tops, $25 for all the bits and pieces to put it together?

I can't believe I had to scroll this far down to get to old school ChapStick. Black tube. One in every jacket and you are set. Accept no substitutes.

I can't believe I had to scroll this far down to get to old school ChapStick. Black tube. One in every jacket and…

ChapStick

ChapStick

We can't follow this rule in my hometown because everyone went with everyone and nobody left. I've even been a bridesmaid in an exes' wedding because I was close friends with the bride. I called it musical fornication: Keep going in a circle, and when the music stops, marry the one you're standing in front of.

My stepsiblings do this to me and my siblings ALL THE TIME. We're grown ass adults with our own families. Our parents got married after we were grown. None of us have lived with them. "Dad & Mom & Family" My mother swears she's going to put a tie on her cat and take him one of these days.

As someone who has never been married before and is GOING to get hitched this summer all of these comments are making my stomach hurt about the vast possibilities of something being completely screwed up.

I almost couldn't read this article. I still have so much anger over my wedding invites.

One of my sisters is crazy. We were not on speaking terms in 1997 but I invited her to my wedding. Her two young sons (5 and 3) were not invited. We didn't want kids at the wedding or reception. She refused to come. Okey-dokey.