“This looks really bad...but we know he can masturbate to completion,” argued Patriots owner Bobby Two-Strokes*. “Surely, I can still find something for him to do.”

Go jerk off to a six hour Jordan Peterson lecture.

sir this is a wendy’s

I guess we should just be grateful he didn’t go as Kirk Lazarus.

I heard there is a guy who is a quarterback and is not currently playing for any team.

Whenever I have a problem, I throw an interception,

that offense is in a Bad Place right now

i guessed it!

Norm literally made Frank Stallone into a punchline. On Stallone's Wikipedia page, the section about the joke is longer than his actual career.

You guessed it.

You know who’s responsible for Norm McDonald getting bumped, don’t you?

Luke Heimlich: But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me.

If Johnny keeps sucking like this he’s going to be sent back down to the Browns.

instead of cosplay as soccer players you should use the proper term: Full Kit Wanker

Good thing he’s not in college. Those consumer protection violations might get him kicked out!

WHERE DOES THE BAT GO?! #illuminati #wakeupsheeple

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

He’s still mad that FS1 used to pre-empt his show for Woman’s Soccer Friendlies.

This is the first Eddie match I’ve watched since he died (too many feelings) and I choose correctly, thanks guys! But, christ, if we can ignore the terribly misogynistic announcing (not JUST by Jerry Lawler, I hear you good ol’ JR), this was a fucking highlight of my childhood where I knew as a (pretty ugly little…

A lot of what’s referred to as “PC” nowadays is just people not being retrograde sociopaths.