I have opposite children as well. Both girls, worlds apart. And many of these personality traits have been in place since they were babies. I do joke about my kids and I only get pissed when grandma (or anyone else) tries to categorize them as the good one and the bad one. Our spirited ones will get a lot out of those…

I'm in tears I'm laughing so hard.

That reminded me that I clogged the toilet in my apartment once. It flooded the bathroom with my hungover shits. The plumber asked if I had emptied a litter box in there. The worst part was that the main drain out of the duplex was clogged and I couldn't use any of the sinks all day, so I'm sure I stunk like hell.

My aunt has an exercise/poop problem. First time it happened she was hungry and ate two large, juicy apples before going on a long walk. She got the urge and could not suppress it. She said that her saving grace was that she was wearing tight shorts that held it all in as she ran home as fast as possible with a large…

Please do not take away my angry honking. It has saved me from being hit several times.

I once worked at a sports bar where the owner would not allow anyone to order sides or or extra wing sauce. I mean, I know we're talking fine dining, but I found it pretty crazy that he wouldn't let people season their food to their liking. His thought process was that people should eat the food as he prepares it, as…

I had this same experience!!! When I said my final NO, I got pages of text, going into detail about his awesome financial situation and how great my life would be with him. The funny thing is that the guys that seem to want to throw their money in your face are also the ones that think women are all gold diggers.

My heart just breaks for this little girl.

I identify with her friend. I'm the one yelling at strangers defending my friends on the sidewalk! I'm drunk as shit too, but I manage to stay upright and keep my puke in until I make it past my threshold. (ok, this really has not happened to me in a loooong time, but that seems to be the role I assume).

I do not understand why you wouldn't just put those chicken cutlet things into your bra to try a new size. A lot cheaper and I imagine both options are fairly approximate at best.

I once worked for the most awful human alive. She offered to buy our Puerto Rican clients lunch and throws out a couple of suggestions. She stops after the second one and asks "Oh, do you eat sandwiches?". Blank look. Because I hate her I look at him and ask "Are you allergic to sandwiches?" and he laughs and says "Oh…

On a related tangent, does anyone else remember when Gargamel created Smurfette as a way to infiltrate and capture the Smurfs? She had a black bob hairstyle and when Papa Smurf transformed her into "good Smurfette" her hair became long and blonde.

Don't get me started with the portrayal of curly girls as ugly.

And "Mystery Incorporated" which has got to be the worst franchise of Scooby Doo yet. Completely sucked.

She did raise him...

Different book, but I sat through this last night. If she thought mommy was enthralled the whole, looong time, then I need an Oscar.

If your car window is smashed and your ipad is stolen but there is no video of the event and you didn't catch the thief's name, should they have to file a report?

Noooooooooooooooooooo. I did find that my younger brother had glued a few of my albums to his bedroom wall as "art". I managed to pull them off with little damage.

I was recently asked about that big book by the pay phone. The only reason we even saw a pay phone was because we were at Disney.

My mother let me leave the house a stinking hot mess. I wish she cared more too! And given that she spent most weekends at the mall, it wasn't an income issue.