I must have looked up the wrong Story of O, because that...was nothing like Doctor Who.

100% uncontroversial take:

Maybe it was a case of stand your ground? Mommy said it was nap time and the child felt threatened?

I don’t “Uber” anywhere. But, if I were to “Uber” on a motorcycle, if they could promise I get to ride in the chariot, while the owner rides the motorcycle, I’d consider it. If they provided me with a Legionnaires Helmet and Sword or Spear, I’d definitely do it.

if she were a Real American™ she would dress the wound by her bootstraps

grope them awkwardly

It would also help a great deal to actually be ready and willing to perform a recall when your customers ask for said recall to be completed rather than just turning all of us away.

They can pry my hope for Bernie Sanders from my cold, dead, liberal hands.

One more reason I’m holding out hope (probably irrational!) for a Sanders nomination.

The next time I feel awkward like that, I’m going to think “I’m just like John Goodman!” And that'll make me feel a lot better.

If for no other reason because it hasn't been raised in more than two decades and USs road infrastructure is quite literally crumbling as a result.

I’m pretty sure it’s too late for that. :/

“If Tilikum would have shown up with this disease in the wild, there’s no doubt in my mind that he would have been gone a long time ago.”

I hate this union with a firey passion. I will never warm my cold ice-heart to it.

What’s the difference between the Kardashians and the Cardassian Empire?

I think there’s a difference between “you’re naked, therefore you like sex and are a slut” and “there is no reason to show us your naked body under the flimsy pretext of not knowing what to wear as anyone who cares to see you naked has already done so”.

Kelly is very open and frank, as well as self-deprecating. I read to say that NO ONE, not even her, thinks of her in a sexy way. I don’t hear her blaming Kesha for anything.

Nobody cares about your boner.

“Ted Cruz? An inspiration to every kid in America who worries that he’ll never be able to run for president because nobody likes him. He’s running. And look, I told Barack, if you really, really want to remake the Supreme Court, nominate Cruz. Before you know it, you’ll have eight vacancies.”

Well, here in Poland we were recently amused with this lovely 81-old lady: