“And, lo, Jesus spake: ‘This guy FUCKS.’”

Big Ben on third and long:

Sometimes these things just happen, entirely naturally...

Remember last season when all the stories in the off-season were about Ben Roethlisberger getting in shape?

It is if you do it right. If you half-ass it like me, it’s not that bad. 

He’s buddies with one of the most successful real estate developers and casino operators in the world, too.

if they’re looking for candidates, i know a guy who has a baseball background as a player and a business background as an exec for a video game company. he’s also got a real handle on social media and can probably procure state funding like a badass.

I was actually thinking about Carr’s comments on the first Hard Knocks episode as all this has been rolling out.

How much more pathetic could this be? None more pathetic. 

How is it possible for a comment to be this perfect?

Derek Carr: "I would be more upset if I weren't so heavily sedated."

+2 (frozen) left feet

Everyone involved in this saga on both the Steelers and the Raiders feels like a character in a Christopher Guest movie.

Having a slow Saturday, Spanfeller?

Now he’ll sign with the goddamn Patriots and we all won’t be laughing anymore.

[cue audience hooting and hollering]

I 100% believe Gruden was hyped by that video

Gruden saying “Please stop this shit” was just him trying to get the sewage leak fixed at the Coliseum.

STOP 👏 MAKING 👏 MODEST 👏 PROPOSALS 👏 THAT DON’T 👏 INVOLVE 👏 EATING 👏 IRISH 👏 BABIES

Marc Maron and they do bunch blow together and talk about mattresses.