Even a gigantic keeper boner!

Chris Bosio: [adds Billy Hamilton to his fantasy team]

Shit’s coming home.

The league average for OPS also includes shortstops and catchers and center fielders, who hit below average as a group and also make important defensive contributions. Pujols is no better than a replacement 1B/DH.

No, but he is a Hawkeye truther.

He’s going to double down and rename it “Colonel Sanders Stadium.”

Hurt him emotionally.

Don’t listen to the haters and losers, Cardinals: Announce Matheny as manager for life. That’ll show ‘em!

Trump’s next SCOTUS nominee.

Purina Pet Food is the official sponsor of Dalmatia.

Just let the chap come flyin’ in wiv ‘is foot, pip pip, fraud’s your uncle.

In light of what’s happened to Lucroy and Carlos Gomez, it’s going to be a long time before anybody acquires a big name rental from the Brewers again.

Keeping him away from the Brewers makes more sense than affirmatively wanting him, but it would be a steep price for probably a moderate two-month upgrade, while simultaneously forcing the Brewers to hang onto a bunch of prospects. If the Cubs get him now, and then the Brewers use those resources to acquire DeGrom or…

“Big deal, I managed hundreds of games in a blackout.” - Tony LaRussa

You can take the Cardinals out of St. Louis, but...

That’s a good idea. Another thing I could do is tear my scrotum open with the edge of an old cat food can, and then scoop the testicles out with a melon baller.

A bat flip on a World Series-winning homer could be better, except that Bautista’s also came at the height of the “respect the game” trolling.

If we allow ourselves to arbitrarily limit the manner in which a pitcher must retire a batter

The best players are the only ones with the leverage to demand insanely byzantine contracts.

His complete inability to clear the ball a few minutes earlier was nearly a much girthier boner.