To quote Dave Barry, only ask a woman if she’s pregnant if she’s in active labor and the baby is crowning.

In Kings, there’s some Biblical monarch or other who’s displeasing Yahweh, as they were wont to do, and a prophet tells him that in his son’s time all Israel is going to be chucked out of their country in punishment for myriad sins and everything will be wretched and horrible. And he thinks eh, as long as it doesn’t…

I remember reading about some clean eating advocate who described broccoli as “ a scrub brush for your colon!”

I WORKED FOR THESE KRACKLES, MOTHER.

YOU GOT TO PET A BELUGA?????

THAT FUCKING BANSHEE.

Charlie X was so scary and sad...the end where he’s promising to be good if only he can stay and they’re all looking at him with that terrible pity that says there’s nothing they can do...

Disney’s mission in the eighties was to irrevocably fuck up every child on the planet. 

The Great Owl was voiced by John Carradine and I can still hear him intoning every line.

POLTERGEIST. I’m 49 and I still can’t watch the face tearing scene.

My husband saw the original Robocop in the theaters with HIS mom and dad at age nine. First film he saw in a theater.

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She had great timing.

OMG!!!

Go Julia!

They probably have a certain amount of fifteen minute slots available per hour, and they get filled up fast with other pre orderers. 

Way, way too many people think ordering on the phone or online means “skipping ahead.” When somebody calls for “just a salad” and I tell them the quote time is 40 minutes, they lose it because they’re thinking like someone who’s physically in the restaurant. Yeah, you order on the phone you go in the queue, customer.…