I need to get back to the gym.

That’s your answer to everything.

My New Year’s resolution was to stop procrastinating.

How high do you have to be to buy one of these?

Damnit Uber...

Those joyless bastards. We’ll teach ‘em. Where’s my happiness-stick?

Incidentally, “Nuclear Fizzle” was my porn name.

“Hello, Grandpa”

Does it come with instructions?

Cold brah.

No lowball offers. I know what I have.

Wonderful fucking timing Lockheed!! I just purchased a SR-71 last month! You know what, fuck the 72. I’m just going to wait for the 73.

“Oh hello, nothing out of the ordinary here fellow neighbor.“

Too bad there’s so much resistance.

I get my boxer shorts in Kmart, Cincinnati.
Four hundred Oak Street.
That’s Oak and Burnett, Kmart.

No, it has to drive the rest of the way.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Your feet? What about my damn coffee??

Ok...but you still owe me a 10-second car.